Hey! Welcome back home! Oh by the way...

[♫ Busan ♫]

...your dad and I are separating.

I'm not sure where to start with this. There are so many places I can start with, but I guess the day I found out would be the best.

I came back home after 5 weeks in New Hampshire. Really fun and all, I was sad saying goodbye to everyone.
I see my mom and sister at the airport, we hug and everything. Then we go to some random Korean restaurant. So far so good. We go home, and my mom tells me that she is no longer living with my dad.

And I guess here is a good break off point to earlier.
My parents were never really a happy couple. They didn't spend every day arguing each other, but they certainly weren't exactly the happiest people either. According to my mom, they've been talking about how they aren't happy with each other for about two years. My dad always had some anger issues. Sometimes he would just flip out for no apparent reason. If I was lucky I would just get a lecture or a grunt of frustration. He was like that to the entire family, including my mother. My mother just had enough of it I guess.

Back to yesterday- I asked my mom why, and she told me what I just wrote, and said she wished it was something that was her fault, but my dad is just angry with her for no apparent reason. She said she was going to wait until I graduated high school but she just couldn't take it anymore. She was crying while saying that and I went to my room to cry myself to sleep for a few hours. My sister wanted to talk to me but I was asleep by the time she had to leave. My brother visited and wanted to talk to me about it, but once he brought it up I started crying again, and later just told him I didn't want to think about it right now because I would just cry more.
My brother left some time later, and then my mom left to a friend's house or somewhere to sleep over while my dad spends the night at home. My dad came, and he asked me if mom told me anything. I told him I knew, and he just told me my parents had problems with their relationship, and I shouldn't worry about it. He said I have more important things in my life to worry about right now. We didn't really talk that much afterwards.
Now to today-My dad took me out for lunch, and then when we came back, my mom called. I picked up and after talking to her, my dad asked me who it was, and it was awkward telling him that it was my mom. My dad then asked me when she is coming home, and I said she was on her way now. My dad responded to that with "I have to go to work now, bye."

That's the situation so far. Although just to clarify, they're not getting a divorce...yet anyway. But they're no longer living together, and unless things somehow improve they are taking the first step to it.

[Arynielle]

I'm really sorry to hear that your parents aren't getting along, and I hope things eventually work out for you.

I can't really say that I can relate because I can't-- my parents have always gotten along decently, more so than most parents anyway. Either way, I'll try to give you some advice. :/

Your mom is pretty upset about it, and I can't really tell with your dad but he seems like he's unhappy with the way things are going as well. Even if they've been unhappy for a few years, like you've said, do you know if they've even tried to work the differences out? I mean, they've obviously tried staying together for their children's sake, which is totally awesome on their part, but that's different than actually sitting down and talking with each other about what's bothering them.

Do you know why they're not getting along? Is it something like a physical habit which they can work out between them or is it something more emotional? If at all possible, do you think you and your siblings could talk them into visiting a marriage counselor for their sake and yours? That may be able to save their marriage and your family.

Sorry if that doesn't help... I'm not exactly experienced in this matter. *hugs*

[♫ Busan ♫]

My mom told me that they've been talking about it for two years. And she already asked my dad if he wanted to see a marriage counselor but he said no, which isn't too surprising.

And my dad is just angry with my mom for no apparent reason. My mom asked if it was something she did, but he just says he doesn't know why he is angry with her.

Another thing I forgot to mention is that they didn't tell me about it until I came back. I was in the dark about this for 2 weeks. My mom says it's the kind of thing you need to tell someone face to face. It's a valid point, but I feel that this would be so much easier to deal with if I knew about this before I came back home.

[Arynielle]

I'm sorry to hear that, but I don't see what else they can do. >.< Do you know if they want to save the marriage? To be perfectly blunt, if neither party or if even one side chooses not to save the marriage, then it's not going to happen. These sorts of things need an mutual cooperation of some sort... all I can suggest is to try talking to them. Get your siblings to help. ._. At the very least, you don't have to deal with this alone.

[♫ Busan ♫]

I don't even know what they want to do. I'm not sure if I want to save the marriage myself. It's my parents lives, their business, what I have to say about it means next to nothing about this. I can only accept this, adjust to it.

Talking to my parents about this has either been awkward or painful. I just feel like that in some way, I'm denying this is happening when I'm around them. I don't see how talking about it can end on a good note, I don't see how no one will cry when talking about it.

Despite all that. What really bothers me is how they waited about 2 weeks to tell me. This may be something you need to tell someone face to face, but I feel that it was unfair to leave me in the dark for so long, to just drop it on me when I get back home.

[zeloswilder]

Aug 11, 2008 6:19:12 GMT -8 ♫ Busan ♫ said:

It's my parents lives, their business, what I have to say about it means next to nothing about this. I can only accept this, adjust to it.

I know I don't know what it feels like to be in this situation, but I DO know that deep down, though it is ultimately their decision, you have a say. Once you figure out exactly what you think about the whole thing, which is probably strangely the hardest part, make yourself heard. Even if it doesn't ultimately sway them into one direction, they'll hear you out and it will affect them, and if it doesn't, MAKE it affect them, because they have to understand how huge of an impact this has had on their children's lives. There's a Jimmy Eat World quote that I've always believed in- "Believe your voice can mean something!"

And I can see where you're coming from on the 2 week wait thing, because I know I get mad when I'm left in the dark about ANYTHING, especially the big things such as this. (Like my mom waited until after the school day was over to tell me my dad got into a car accident. Meanwhile it happened hours before school began, and she knew about it at that time. I was NOT a happy Zelos) So I can totally feel you on that one. But, that may be another thing to bring up to them. Get into more detail about it than "Something that had to be said face to face".

(sorry if this doesn't help at all... but that's just my two cents)

[Arynielle]

You really need to talk to him-- I know that it might be awkward or painful, but I'd be more worried if it wasn't. You obviously have strong feelings about this situation, and you need to speak your mind before things get worse. Like I said earlier, would it be better if you talked with your siblings first? Asian families are usually very closely-knit so it's a good idea to resort to talking with them about something as important as this. What do you want to do?

[♫ Busan ♫]

My sister was just saying "in the end, don't you think it's for the better? Mom will be happier and ultimately Dad will be happier too."

Knowing my brother he feels the same way. I've honestly lost interest at this point. My parents may handle this situation however they feel is right.

[omio]

Heads, this may turn out to be long, so I'm going to font-size it to one, so you can skip it later.

I can sympathize, because my parents have argued quite a lot, and divorce has been a threat. In fact, I can almost hop into both of their shoes. Also, for your father to be angry for 'no reason' makes no sense - there's a reason to everything - though not always is it known. I have a feeling it might be something that's deep in the past, and it may be so deep of a pain that it could result in anger, anguish, and a few other things.

But as pointed above, both parties would have to be willing to accept any kind of help, and with the way things sound, I think your father realizes it's something in the past, and probably isn't able to face up to it, and if your mother has realized that, can't even bring it to his own wife. However, I'm sure that if you can gain the courage to ask him about it, he'll surely soon enough open up to you. It may not be in the most obvious of ways, but surely, soon enough, he will.

Be careful in doing that, though. It may be possible for him to end up in some sort of outbreak. Other than that, it might be something you could either relate to, or be able to advise him upon. When you speak, be ready for anything. (I mean anything.) That way, you can make sure things don't get too messy.

I can see your point of view, saying that it is their business, and possibly think you have no right to stick your nose into it, but it's really on the contrary. You want what's best for both of your parents, and if they really are hiding something, it's only going to further injure the relationship with everyone, not just the family, and not just your mother. You have the right to speech, and the right to meddle in affairs you are involved in by blood, as many believe, so you should exercise it. They can choose to ignore you afterwards anyways.[/size]

...Sorry for bringing old wounds up, Busan, but if a festering wound can be healed, it leads to the greatest of successes in the future.