One of my former best friends is dead

[P-chan]

I say "former" not because she's dead but because we've drifted apart over the past year because she's gotten involved with drinking and drugs and that stuff and I'm not into that.

We were best friends throughout middle school and had lots of great memories together over the past six years.

I guess she committed suicide last night or this morning. I have no clue why and neither do any of my friends.

She was such a great person pre-drugs-and-alcohol and made me laugh the hardest I've ever laughed in my life. One of my other friends told me she had been on anti-depression pills for the last year, and I didn't know about this until now. I feel so bad.

We had one class together this year and though we weren't as close as we used to be, I can't express how sad I am right now in words. I can't even imagine what her parents and brothers are going through. (And her little beagle oh god her little beagle is the cutest thing ever.)

I don't know what to do. I'm planning on going to her funeral but the only funeral I've ever been to was my grandpa's when I was like 5 and I don't remember anything about it. I don't even know what you do at a funeral other than sit there.

Ughhh I've been crying since 9:00 this morning hnnngh there should be a limit to how many tears someone can cry.

I just feel like I should have been able to do something to prevent it, but I never saw any signs and she never mentioned suicide or anything I just

I dunno. My nose and eyes hurt.

Promise me that none of you guys are ever planning on committing suicide cause I don't know if I could handle it.

[zeloswilder]

I'm so sorry dear. So so so sorry. *big big big huggle* Don't blame yourself. It's not at all your fault. And I promise I won't ever commit suicide ever. I'm here to stay.

Time will make this more bearable. Even if it doesn't seem that way now.

[Arynielle]

I am so sorry about your friend... I, too, have had people close to me attempt suicide, and it's an awful feeling knowing that there was possibly something you could have done to prevent it. But, please trust me when I say that absolutely none of this is your fault. There's a lot of guilt going on, and I think that's where that "I should have done something" or "I should have seen the signs" talk stems from... however, when it comes to people who are depressed and attempt suicide, if they don't want to be saved, there's nothing that friends or family can do.

Suicide is probably the most selfish thing that anyone can do. It only hurts those that love you the most, and that includes your friends and family, and this death even has a massive impact on the community.

P, I am truly sorry for your loss. I know it's difficult to accept and believe that someone once so close to you is gone... it's not your fault that you two drifted apart, and it's not your fault that you didn't know about the depression and the pills, and it's not your fault that she chose to do what she did. She did what she did for her own reasons, and regardless of what you might have tried, people who are intent on committing suicide are going to find a way to do it one way or another.

I had friend who made probably something like five suicide attempts during high school and the beginning years of college. Her friends, our group of friends, were loyal to her and loved her, so we stuck by her side, kind of like our own personal suicide watch schedule. Between the few of us, we managed to save her during those five times, somehow managing to call 911 in time after she downed the pills or cut herself badly, or whatever the hell she was doing. In the end, we just couldn't handle it anymore... so we stopped doing this suicide watch because we were tired and hurt and couldn't understand how someone could continue to do that without taking into account how much it stung as her friend or family member. I remember one of those times, we were hauled into the school counseling office after a long night at the hospital and we were all crying and sobbing and there were crumpled tissues everywhere. There were hardly any words, and the looks on our faces seemed to do the debating and conversing for us.

You're not alone, P. I know it's so hard, and it hurts so much. It feels like you weren't good enough for her to live, like maybe if you had done something she would still be here. ...but that's not how it works, unfortunately. Whatever the reason, your friend did what she did on her own agenda. Whether she was truly sure that was what she wanted, we will never know, but what's done is done. She made a mistake and, as her friends and loved ones, you have to move on.

...and it hurts. It hurts more than anything to think about it, that she's gone, and you don't even know where death has taken her. But life goes on, and so should you. She would want you to.

[Jukka]

Aw, I'm really sorry to hear this P I can't even imagine how it's gotta be feel but like the others said just don't blame yourself. I've never been through any situation like that..you're in my thoughts P.