In the morning?
Silly Jukebox. XD
Anyways, I'll post chapter two, I guess. :> I haven't read it since I first typed it.
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Chapter II |:.
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Eori’s P.O.V. |:.
My Saturday morning routine was always consistent. I got up, checked on Breiti in her room, dodged the usual yelling from Lestil and Celan as they argued over cooking breakfast, and headed outside. My first destination of choice was the library, where I checked out numerous books. I could barrel through one or two thick novels a day if I worked at it. Today I checked out an interesting book that I saw on the shelf for someone who I was going to drop by to see later today as well as a couple for myself. It was still early in the day, and this was where my plan for today deviated from normal. I usually went back home to read all my books, but after saying my goodbyes to the librarian I ambled to Saelyr’s family estate instead.
I probably hadn’t mentioned it before, but her uncle was the village’s mayor and gave their family quite the over the top amount of money. Saelyr got to live in one of the biggest houses in the city.
This seems a little out of place to me, it's like he's talking to the reader.Sighing, Saelyr rolled her eyes before giving me a smile in defeat.
She knew how I couldn’t be persuaded out of someone once I had my mind set on it. “Fine. We’ll see just how much you want to help. You can clean out the stall next to this one.”
Someone should be something, I think.“You killed my mother, didn’t you?” I stated, knowing it didn’t understand. “My mother would be alive now if she hadn’t
give birth to you.”
I think give should be given..
End Flashback |:.
I had actually fallen asleep during the course of the next few hours in my room and not read a single page, which was
quiet unexpected. Once I had awoken, I found that it was already late at night, and I had missed lunch. I decided to go down and join them for dinner and picked up my Advanced Necromancy book for later as I started out of my room. As usual, Celan and Lestil could be heard downstairs quarrelling over dinner, but after I made my way down the stairs I had found dinner prepared and that
they were instead arguing while eating about something else. Breiti was eating contently at the table with them, and I went over to join them.
Quiet should be quite.
Arguing while eating something else, I'll assume you meant to write eating while arguing about something else?Between the two suspended runes, a dark blast of black radiance erupted while the runes began to fade away, line by line, as if un-tracing themselves. The darkness disappeared with the runes, and behind them a figure began to take shape. The planks that had been previously blocking the single window were knocked off by the force of energy, and there was only darkness in the room as the only source of light left, the ruins, were gone. I could see a faint figure standing where the ruins once had been, however, and a flicker of light shone as I heard a cracking snap of fingers.
I'm not really sure but ruins MIGHT be runes. Just because they sound similar. >.>; After those brash words, it all happened so fast. A wickedly twisted smile stretched across her lips as she reached out her hand for my chest faster than my eyes could comprehend, and the moment her fingers plunged into my chest, I lost all ability to breath and froze, unable to move. I wheezed – it was all I could manage – and watched as she drew a thin blue thread out from my body. It glows and sparkled in the dim light, and she tugged on it once, firmly, and it pulled tight on my chest. Selikeh lifted a finger from her other hand and ran it quickly across the string, strumming it, and I felt it vibrate painfully in my chest.
Glows should be glowed.
Silly Jukebox. XD
Chapter II |:.
However I noticed that you sometimes use similar words in the same sentance. For instance:
